People have been talking a lot about introverts lately. This may have something to do with Susan Cain’s new book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, which is currently #46 on Amazon’s bestseller list. I haven’t read it but I know for a fact that I am an introvert living in a world of extroverts. I’ve decided to share a bit about this experience by describing a few of the most common phrases I use when dealing with extroverts.
1. “You Talk Too Much”
If you’re reading this blog you’re probably not an extrovert, or else you’d be out at “da club” or hosting a game show or trying to sell something no one really needs. But if you are an extrovert and you happened to stumble across this blog while looking for Justin Bieber’s website (I know, we look alike) then you should be aware of the fact that you talk too much. And whenever I try to talk–because I also like to inject my ego into the occasional conversation–you will probably just talk over me, because you have a bad habit of doing that.
2. “No, I’m not angry or upset.”
See this scowl on my face? It means I’m deep in thought, not upset at the fact that my coworkers think a bit of New England rainfall is a good excuse to start talking about weather patterns no one is even able to predict with more than 60% accuracy. Yes, I know it’s supposed to rain all of next week. This is friggin Massachusetts!
3. “Yes, I want to date you.”
If you’re an extroverted woman, then I will probably want to date you (unless you’re a sociopath who wants nothing more than to drain me of my money, which won’t work because I have no money, so you might as well stay away). This desire to date an extrovert comes from some really bad experiences I’ve had dating introverted women who prefer to “listen instead of talk.” I once sat in a cafe with a woman for three hours without saying a word. She didn’t say anything either. We just sat there staring at random objects around the room and occasionally our watches. At one point she realized that normal people do this thing called “conversing,” so she asked why I thought Obama was the greatest president our country has ever had (I guess she was just trying to be polite?). I cleared my throat, said I had to use the bathroom, and left through the back door.
4. “No, I don’t want to dance.”
Introverts are known for being cerebral and reading books and conducting experiments. This means we haven’t had many opportunities to learn how to do this strange thing called dancing during which you get up in front of your friends and swing different parts of your body around so it looks like you secretly have fleas and are trying to scratch yourself without looking out of place. But believe it or not, we introverts have been known to dance on occasion. We may engage in this sort of behavior for three reasons: (a) we drank something called a Long Island Iced Tea and enjoyed its tangy flavor enough to have three more; (b) we’re conducting a social experiment in which we must try to “blend in” with “normal” people in order to better understand human reproductive cycles; and (c) the world is going to end in December so LET’S GET FREAKY!!! LOL!!!
5. “Oh, I thought you said artistic.“
To answer your question: No, I’m not. I’m just really quiet.
6. “Put your hands down.”
Ever notice how extroverted people always use their hands while they’re talking? I don’t get this. I keep my hands in my pockets to intimidate would-be aggressors. Hey, if they can’t see your hands, they don’t know what kind of heat you’re packing. This is Street Smarts 101, people. GEEZ!
Hope you enjoyed this brief description of what it’s like to be an introvert. Tell me about your experience.
Or are you an extrovert? If so, I’d like to interview you…wait, no I don’t.
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